Clone A Willy
by Mykala Klossovsky
Summary: Eric sends Sookie a very unique and special gift. What will Sookie think of his grand gesture? Rated M for hilarious smut.
1. Chapter 1

This is a silly little one shot. I had a crazy thought and I hoped you would also enjoy it!

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><p><strong>It's so easy. Just follow these simple steps:<strong>

. Mix the specially timed molding powder with water.

. Insert willy into mixing tube until it solidifies (usually 60-90 seconds)

. Pour liquid rubber into the mold

. Wait 24 hours and remove your clone!

Eric read over the instructions printed on the back of the package before dumping the contents out on his desk. The modern marvels have only gotten more ingenious and this was the undeniable proof! He actually giggled with excitement as he dumped the powder into the tube and added the required amount of water. He shook, and stirred until all the lumps were gone and it was nice and smooth.

He gave the tube in his hand an apprehensive glance, shrugged his shoulders and slid his hard cock inside. Patently, he started watching the clock, waiting for the seconds to count down when there was a knock on the door. Pam burst in without waiting for his response and stopped dead in her tracks.

There he stood behind his desk with his pants down around his knees and his cock shoved inside a cardboard tube. This wasn't the most awkward things she had ever caught him doing but it certainly ranked up there with the best of them.

"What is it Pam?" he asked, clearly annoyed with being caught in such a ridiculous position. He decided to ignore it.

"I should be asking you the same thing." Pam said, pointing at the tube attached to his penis. She was clearly trying not to laugh at Eric's predicament, but it seemed to be a losing battle. "Or should I ask, 'How's it hanging'?"

"It's a gift, for Sookie." He noticed his 90 seconds were up and slowly attempted to ease himself out.. It didn't budge an inch. He pulled a bit harder and still it didn't move. Growling in frustration he flopped down into his chair and stared down at it helplessly.

Pam appraised her Master, trying desperately not to give in to the laughter that was bubbling just under the surface of her cool exterior. The vision of him sitting there in frustration with a bright purple cardboard tube attached to his cock that says 'Clone-A-Willy' along it's length was almost too much to bear. She cleared her throat and gave him a very serious look. "You should put a bright red bow on it, it might distract from the gaudy packaging."

Eric growled at his child, "Now's not the time, Pamela. Help, or get the fuck out of my office." He stood and walked over to stand in front of her, thrusting his hips out. She stared at it as if it were alive before hesitantly wrapping her hands around it and giving it a firm tug that caused him to release a rather amusing sound that came out somewhere between a squeak and a growl. She released him, mesmerized by it as it bobbed up and down in an amusing way with the weight of the plaster. She couldn't resist and tapped it lightly just to see it bounce again, and finally gave in to peals of laughter at her Masters expense.

"OUT!" Eric raged at her as she sauntered out the door, still laughing softly to herself. He slammed the door behind her and flopped back down in his chair, grabbing the instructions. Flaccid. That was the answer. Alright, time to lose the erection.

Eric turned his attention to some paperwork, every now and then stopping to give the tube a little tug and finding no resistance. Just when he began to wonder if he would have to continue through his undead existence with this hideous thing attached to him it slipped off and tumbled to the floor. Panicked, he snatched it up and inspected it to make sure it hadn't cracked upon impact.

The mold was thankfully intact. Hopefully this would be the last time he ever had to stick his cock into something like this. He took a moment to imagine the price he could get for one of these in the Fangtasia gift shop. The men and women that approached him night after night would pay a premium for a vibrator that was a perfect replica of his magnificent cock. He would have to file that marketing idea away for later.

The liquid rubber was a ghastly shade of pink, but he was sure it was a color that Sookie would appreciate. He ripped the end off the package and carefully poured it into the mold. The little vibrator that came with the kit fit perfectly into the center.

Eric stepped back and admired his handy-work. He would have to wait until tomorrow night to see the final results but you didn't live to be over a thousand years old by being impatient.

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><p>Eric woke this evening with a sense of excitement. It was like Christmas morning and his cock was the ultimate gift! He dressed and flew over to Fangtasia, racing into his office.<p>

The instructions stated to crack the plaster off the vibrator and clean it thoroughly, so he began patiently chipping the plaster off. It was covered in dust but it looked intact and he breathed a sigh of relief as he carried it across the hall to the bathroom. He ran it under the water, rubbing some soap into it to make sure all the plaster was gone and patted it dry before carrying it back to his office.

Never one to resist temptation, he pulled his cock out and stroked it softly. Thinking about Sookie and all the wonderful things she could do with this. He grew hard instantly as the naughty images played through his head. Satisfied that he was at his best, he put the vibrator next to his cock and began the comparison.

It was perfect, every curve and vein were flawlessly cast in life sized plastic. He opened the compartment in the end and dropped in two double A batteries, closing it securely and turning it on. Vibrations immediately began to travel through his palm and he was completely satisfied with the final results.

He brought out the box he had purchased the day before and arranged the tissue paper inside to cradle his gift. He placed it inside carefully and tucked the paper around it then retrieved the card.

"Dearest Sookie-

Here is a token of my greatest affection. A glimmer of the pleasure that could be yours if you were to give into me. I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed creating it for you.

Love

E-"

Eric placed the card into the box, tied a big red ribbon around it and safely tucked it under his arm for the flight to Bon Temps so he could leave it on his beloved's porch.

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><p>Reviews really turn me on :)<p>

Several people have asked me where you can buy this kit at. Clone-A-Willy kits are indeed available for sale in the real world. All you have to do is Google it. That's seriously it's REAL name LOL

Lots have asked for me to write Sookie's reaction... How should Sookie react? Should she reciprocate? leave me a review and let me know!


	2. Chapter 2

**You asked for more so... here it is! I hope you enjoy it! This is for Mandena, who's puppy face was too cute to ignore.**

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><p>A knock on the door pulled Sookie reluctantly from the world of espionage and intrigue that she decided to surround herself with for the evening. It had been a hard shift at Merlots and losing herself in a good book was the perfect ending to such a hectic day. She had come home late from work, tired and a bit frustrated because Bill had been there with his new girlfriend and though she was happy for him that he's moved on, she couldn't help thinking that he was trying to rub it in her face.<p>

She sighed heavily and rose form the couch, placing her book carefully on the arm to save her place. She crossed to the door and peeked through the curtains, but she couldn't see anyone standing outside in the faint glow from the light above the porch. She cracked the door and peered out, knowing that she was fairly safe because most of the dangerous things that go bump in the night had to be invited in. She didn't see anyone, but someone had left a package on the stop stair. She carefully made her way towards it, looking around suspiciously in every direction as she went.

Sookie sat on the steps eyeing the small package with mistrust. She thought she had a feeling she knew who it was from, but since her birthday was nearly right around the corner it could be from almost anyone. She lifted it, weighing it's contents in her hand and gave it a little shake. Something moved inside but didn't jingle, it was more of a thud as it bounced off the sides of the box. She carried it inside and left it on her kitchen table while she walked over and grabbed a cup of coffee.

The coffee was amazing, not too strong and it was the perfect temperature, she sipped it slowly as she examined the beautiful red velvet ribbon wrapped around the strange package. Someone had taken great care to get the bow as precise as possible, and she admired the contrast of the silver filigree foil inlaid in the white cardboard. Her fingers lingered on the softness as she slipped it off and gently placed it aside, thinking that something so beautiful may come in handy later. She lifted the lid and peered down into the contents. Delicate silver tissue paper covered the treasure within, and a card in the same design as the box was laid neatly on top. She lifted it out and opened it slowly, noticing the familiar script was as elegant as always. She supposed that anyone would have beautiful handwriting after a thousand years of practice.

"Dearest Sookie-

Here is a token of my greatest affection. A glimmer of the pleasure that could be yours if you were to give into me. I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed creating it for you.

Love

E-"

She furrowed her brow, reading the card through a second time just to make sure she had not misread. Eric created something for her? Sent Pam to the store to purchase something for her, sure, she could believe that, but created as in using his own hands to make her a gift? She imagined him sitting at a kids table surrounded by scraps of cardboard and macaroni, sprinkling bright glitter over his creation as he smiled proudly at the monstrosity that he considered a masterpiece. If only she knew that wasn't far from the truth.

Resigned to see what lie under the harmless tissue paper she moved it aside. She had to blink a few times to make sure her eyes were working correctly, she even rubbed them but it didn't go away. Sookie wasn't very knowledgeable about things when it came to sex, but there was no mistaking what peered back at her from inside the box.

Aside from the fact that it was a terribly hideous shade of pink, it was enormous. Sookie may have only been with one man in her life but she knew that the thing inside the box was much larger than 'average'. It was at least 8 inches long and she greatly doubted that she could touch her fingertips to her thumb if she encircled it with her hand.

"Son of a BITCH!", she swore out loud, rising to cross the kitchen and snatch up the telephone that hung by the door. She angrily punched in the number for Fangtasia and waited impatiently while it rang.

"Fangtasia, the bar with bite. How may I direct your call?" Pam's voice sounded husky over the telephone, no doubt meant to get whoever was on the other line to come for a visit just to meet the sexy vamp on the other end.

"Pam, it's Sookie. I need to talk to Eric." She was sure the agitation was clear in her voice.

Pam laughed softly on the other end of the line, "Well hello Sookie, Darling. You sound a bit upset. I believe you must have found Eric's 'package'."

"Just put him on the phone, I don't have time for your perverse innuendos, and I damn sure don't have the patience either."

"He's not here, Sookie, but I can have him call you if you'd like. It seems awfully important, and he just loves it when you're all feisty." Sookie could hear the sarcasm dripping off her lips, classic Pam.

"Have him call me Pam. Immediately." Sookie slammed the receiver down and crossed her arms, staring at the box on the table as if she could set it on fire with her mind. How dare Eric Northman do something so bold as to send her sex toys. The telephone began to ring, giving her a little start and her heart began to race as her hand slid around the receiver.

His voice was deep, melodic as he purred into the phone. "Do you like my gift, Sookie? I thought perhaps you would like to get a taste of me before succumbing to the real thing."

"What does that even mean Eric? You have a lot of nerve sending me something like this, and thinking I would even use it!"

"It means that it is a perfect replica of my glorious cock, the only one in existence, and I made it just for you. Just a preview of the wonderful things it could do for you."

"A replica?" She glanced back inside the box, suddenly a little more curious. "You made me a replica of your… thing?"

"Only the best for you My Sookie. You will have to call me later and let me know how you enjoyed it."

She heard the receiver go dead and pulled it away from her ear to stare disbelieving at it for a moment before hanging it back up. Alright, now she had to admit that she was a bit intrigued. She had always been curious about him, after all he was unbelievably handsome, even if he was an ass. He had even starred in some of her favorite fantasies as she lay in a hot bath and let her fingers caress her most intimate places.

She picked up the box and carried it down the hallway to her bedroom, placing it on the foot of her bed and crossing to her dresser to get her pajamas. She choose a light blue tank top and shorts set because it was such a warm evening and changed quickly so she could return to the bed and inspect her gift.

She touched it softly, letting her fingers caress the soft plastic. It was unbelievably smooth and cold to the touch, like Eric. Sookie wrapped her hand around it and lifted it from the box, she had been correct, her hand didn't quite fit all the way around it and the knowledge made a shiver run down her spine which seemed to lead right to her core.

She noticed the button on the end and hesitantly pushed it, causing it to spring to life instantly and begin to vibrate in her grasp. The feeling was intense and with great curiosity she moved it down between her legs, letting it rest against the thin material that covered her. She moaned softly and pressed harder against her aching core, letting the vibrations consume her. She had never felt anything as wonderful as this, she had to have more.

She slipped her shorts past her shapely hips and let them slide carelessly to the floor. Leaning back against her pillows and drawing up her knees, she spread her legs and ran the vibrator along her slit while her free hand dipped into her wetness. When it came in contact with her clit she arched he back and moaned loud, holding it there to let her first orgasm build. Within seconds she was writhing on the bed, throwing her head back against the pillows as it powerfully rocked her whole body. She pulled it away, afraid that she couldn't take any more and placed her hand over her sex. It was tender, extremely swollen with passion, and she could feel the wetness dripping from her tight opening.

She turned off the vibration, raising it so she could let her eyes scan it's shape. It was big, every bit of the 8 inches in length that she had noted earlier, probably larger than she was giving it credit for. It had an elaborate pattern of veins that ran along it's surface, and it was slightly curved. Perfect, she thought, for hitting just the right spots deep inside a lover. Her entire body started to tingle with the thought and she had to push the wonderful vision of Eric kneeling above her from her mind.

She brought it to her opening, letting it brush against her wetness and watching as the soft plastic began to shine with her juices. She turned it back on and let it slip inside, just enough to feel it begin to stretch her as the head disappeared between her lips. Her fingers caressed her clit, rubbing a delicate circular pattern against it as she forced the vibrator in a bit further. She began to pump it inside her, pulling it out and rubbing it against her clit before plunging it back inside. She raised her hips every time she thrust it into herself, moaning in ecstasy as visions of Eric driving his hard cock inside her returned to her mind.

She screamed, riding the orgasm that ripped through her soul as the wetness pooled out on the sheets around her. Her breath came in hard pants and she screamed his name before she realized she was even screaming at all.

The vampire that stood in the shadows outside her bedroom window grinned. It would only be a matter of time before her curiosity about the real thing got the best of her and she came to him, begging to be his. It would appear that Miss. Stackhouse had indeed found great enjoyment in his little gift.

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><p>Would you like some more? Leave me a review please, they drive me and turn me on.<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

ERIC

Eric couldn't concentrate. His mind kept returning to the painfully erotic display he witnessed last night. She had been so incredibly wet, it had taken all his resolve not to crash through her window and drive into her with the real thing. He could see the delicious fluid gush from her as it soaked the sheets below her. How he would have loved to bathe her with his tongue until she was clean. Who would have known that delicate little Sookie Stackhouse had that kind of power in her sweet little pussy.

He wondered briefly if she had been that way with her previous, and only, lover. She seemed somewhat surprised when she had discovered the mess she had made. He doubted it, he had suspicions that Bill Compton was an inadequate lover, either that or he just tried to be too gentle with her. She was human yes, but she wasn't made of glass.

He stroked his cock in time with her thrusts, and when she screamed and he heard his name on her lips, his orgasm shot through him like a bolt of lightning, shaking his entire body with the force. He had never heard anything so beautiful in all his years.

His cell phone rang, pulling him away from the erotic memories. "What is it Pam?"

"'Meals On Heels' has just arrived for you, Master, and she's quite the morsel. Shall I send her in?" Pam purred into the phone, Eric could imagine the eye fuck she was giving his dinner.

"Pay her then send her away, or you may snack, I'll not be dining tonight."

"Yes, Master."

Eric disconnected and put the phone aside, moving to the mini fridge and grabbing a True Blood. He shook his head, chuckling at himself as he watched the ugly bottle of vile liquid spin in the microwave. It would seem that he was saving himself without even realizing it until now. He hadn't touched another woman in weeks, and it was unusual for him to go even two days without burying himself in the tight warmth of a human female. Likewise, he had not drank from a human in quite some time, surviving only on this horrible synthetic shit. Why did he not realize this sooner? The 'ding' from the microwave brought him out of his inner debate and he opened the door to retrieve it before returning to his desk . He would go to ground this morning unsatisfied in more ways than one.

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><p>SOOKIE<p>

Spending the day basking in the sun was the thing she loved most in life. Her house being so secluded was the perfect place to sunbathe nude, so she stretched out on the lounger feeling comfortable that nobody was around to see her. She read her book, trying to keep her thoughts from returning to what lie buried in her panty drawer.

The pleasure she experienced was greater than any she had ever known. The thought saddened her because she had once had a real lover. Sex with Bill had been amazing, but it was really nothing compared with the feelings that claimed her while she used the toy Eric had sent her. She was a bit puzzled at the thought, wondering how an inanimate piece of plastic could be more satisfying than a real person.

She knew the answer, even if she had trouble admitting it to herself. It was Eric. She had always harbored fantasies where he took the lead role, she's always been drawn to him like a magnet, but she knew it wasn't smart to keep company with someone so dangerous even if the sex would be amazing. If the vibrator was any indication, she was indeed positive that the sex would be spectacular.

She felt the familiar ache between her legs. Just thinking about Eric brought a heat to her core that threatened to burn her up from the inside out if she left it ignored. Her hand slid down her stomach and she cupped her sex, pressing down with her palm and letting her finger slide into the tight opening. She imagined Eric, thrusting into her from behind as he tangled his hand in her hair and her movements became more urgent. She ground her hips against her hand and the feeling began to slowly build until it overflowed and she screamed out as she came.

She had to repay him… she had to do something to drive him crazy and tease him, something that would send him over the edge of sanity. It was payback time!

She gathered her things, pulled her clothing back on and returned to the house. Grabbing a cup of coffee she settled in front of her computer and turned it on, waiting patiently for it to boot up. She opened Google and typed in 'sex toy tease' and began to browse the many links that popped up with the keywords. She found a promising link and clicked on it, leading her to an online webstore that claimed to have the largest selection in the world.

Sookie never even knew that things like this existed! As she browsed the listings, she remembered the vibrations that coursed through her the night before. She had tucked that fun little gadget into the back of her panty drawer for safe keeping.

The items on the site all looked alien. She couldn't believe the different things that people used for sex. Some looked like jellyfish, some looked like butterflies and some were made of smooth hard glass. There were things that vibrated and twisted and things to tie people up with and spank them. Suddenly getting revenge on Eric seemed like an impossibility because he would probably love anything she sent him.

She clicked on the next page and there it was. The 'Clone-A-Willy Kit'. This must be how Eric did it. She opened the link and read the page through, giggling at the instructions as she imagined Eric with his cock buried in plaster. Had he really gone through all this just to show her how impressive he was?

She scrolled to the bottom of the screen, scanning the related links and burst out into laughter as her eyes settled on 'Clone-A-Kitty'. This was too perfect! She pictured Eric opening it and the look of hunger that would settle over his features as his fangs ran out. She wasn't sure she had the guts to do it but found herself clicking on the 'Add to cart' button anyway.

She went into the kitchen to grab a snack while she thought it over. It wasn't like she was giving him the real thing if she sent it to him. It would only be payback. When she stopped and thought about what she had done with his gift she began to imagine what he would do with hers and the most deliciously wicked smile spread across her lips.

She entered her credit card information, chose overnight shipping and finalized the deal before she could lose her nerve. She would give Eric Northman some of his own medicine.

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><p>Short but sweet I hope! Leave me a review if you enjoy this story and I will develop it further. I can think of all kinds of things for these two to get into.<p>

Science Lesson 101: Female ejaculation (commonly known as gushing, cumming or squirting[1]) refers to the expulsion of noticeable amounts of clear fluid by human females from the paraurethral ducts through and around the urethra during or before an orgasm. The exact source and nature of the fluid continues to be a topic of debate among medical professionals and is related to doubts over the existence of the G-Spot.


	4. Chapter 4

Federal express arrived the next day with an unmarked package and Sookie nervously signed for it. What had she talked herself into doing? Sure Eric deserved some kind of payback but this was so out of character for her he would never believe she could do such a thing. On the other hand, that's what made it so deliciously perfect.

She carried the box inside and cut it open with a kitchen knife. Digging through the peanuts until her hands grasped the hard plastic package, she pulled it out to stare at an image of a woman's vagina on the cover, the molded copy pictured beside it for comparison. She knew that women were naturally curious about other woman, and this was the first time she had ever really seen a woman so open and on display that she took a moment to examine the image. It was really quite spectacular, the vagina. She found herself getting excited by the prospect of seeing what hers actually looks like from an outsiders perspective.

She opened it and emptied the contents out onto the table, lining them up in the order she suspected she would need them according to the little images on the accompanying instruction sheet. It really didn't seem all that complicated, and she felt confidant that she could go through with this. Before she began, she read the instructions twice, so she was sure that she did everything perfectly. She only had one chance to get this right.

'All of our Clone-A-Kitty kits are designed to allow any woman to make a completely accurate rubber OR chocolate replica of the OUTER PORTION of ANY VAGINA from the comfort and privacy of her own home. Everything contained in this kit is medically tested, simple to use, and completely safe for the novice molder.

. Mix the molding powder with water.

. Pour the mixture into the specialized molding scoop.

. In a seated position at the end of a chair, press the specialized molding scoop against your vagina and hold for 2-4 minutes.

. Pull away mold and fill with rubber OR melted chocolate, Jell-O, water, glycerin soap, juice for popsicles or candle wax!

. Wait one hour. Once set, gently slide it out of the mold!'

CHOCOLATE? JELL-O? Her laughter rang through the small kitchen as she imagined Eric licking away on a vagina shaped cherry popsicle. She decided right then that this was going to be a fun experience and briefly wondered if blood could be frozen. Now THAT would drive him crazy!

She mixed the water with the powder, as instructed, and poured it slowly into the scoop. She wiggled out of her shorts and positioned herself precariously on the edge of the chair, careful to make sure nothing was in the way as she moved the scoop into position. It felt fairly uncomfortable as the coldness of the mixture seeped into her skin, but she held it firm as she watched the seconds tick away, trying to think of anything other than the fact that she had plaster sticking to her hoo-ha.

Tick-tock… the seconds seemed like hours and she felt silly, wondering what someone that came to the back door would think about what they saw. She prayed that nobody did because this was something that she wouldn't be able to explain away. She felt the plaster growing warmer as the coldness absorbed her body heat and slowly the four minutes passed. She pulled the mold away, bringing it close to her face to examine the results. It was bazaar, a perfect replica of an inside out vagina. Her excitement mounted as she set it carefully down on the table, grabbed her shorts and walked down the hall to the bathroom.

Sookie stepped into the tub, not bothering to remove her tank top, she just bunched it up and tied it high on her torso. She let the water run for a moment and grabbed the soap to wash the area and make sure all the plaster was gone. She recognized the ache between her legs and tried to push it away so she could get back to the task at hand. She forced herself to finish, towel off and put her shorts back on. She would attend to the growing need tonight, and part of Eric would join her.

Returning to the kitchen, Sookie grabbed the scissors and cut open the package of liquid rubber. She watched in fascination as it filled the mold, and made sure that it was smooth and level with the top. Now all she had to do was wait.

She took the time to consider what she would package it in. She decided to return Eric's box and ribbon to him, it would be the perfect packaging for her gift and make him think she had return his unopened. Imagine his surprise when he sees what's really inside. She couldn't stop grinning as she made her way to the bedroom and scooped the box up to carry it back into the kitchen, grabbing her stationary as she passed the desk.

She stared at the blank paper, pen in hand, and tried to decide what she should write. She decided that it would be most effective to send his words back to him, slightly altered, of course.

'Eric-

Thank you for the thoughtful gift. Here is a token of my appreciation. A glimmer of the treasure that is denied to you. I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed creating it for you.

Sookie'

Brilliant! She was beside herself with satisfaction. This was going to be perfect and she was positive that he would lose it. That devious smile spread across her face again as she mentally watched him open the package, his jaw dropping and drool dripping from his chin. Okay maybe that wouldn't happen but a girl could dream.

She checked the mold, finding that the flesh colored rubber appeared to have solidified and carefully pried it out. She took a deep breath and flipped it over in her hand, marveling at the flesh like feel of the object. She stared in wonder at the perfectly cast rubber vagina, trying to be objective about it's appearance. It certainly looked like one, especially with tan coloring of the plastic. It was a little darker than her skin tone but it would suffice to get her point across. Her clit was even visible, peeking out from between the folds like a delicate little jewel. She compared it to the one on the packaging, deciding that hers was more astatically pleasing to the eye. She poked the rubber, it felt very similar to human flesh. The only problem was that sadly there was no place for him to stick his thing but it would have to do, she damn wasn't about to stick liquid rubber THERE!

Sookie nestled it deep into the tissue paper and folded it carefully over it to cover the surprise. She folded her note in half and put it on top, then closed the box, securing it once again with the bright red velvet ribbon. Gathering her car keys she made her way out the door before she could lose her nerve and jumped in her car for the long drive to Shreveport.

It was nearing four o'clock in the afternoon, so she knew Ginger would be there soon, if not now. She tried not to think of her package as she drove, opting instead to crank her stereo and sing along badly with the songs. Too soon she was pulling into the lot at Fangtasia.

She pounded on the front door and patiently waited for what seemed like forever. Just when she was about to knock again the door cracked open and Ginger appeared.

"Oh, hi Sookie! Gosh it's just been so long! Have you come to see Eric? He's not here yet, sunshine and all. It's really good to see you again!" She beamed at Sookie, throwing her arms around her neck and hugging her like old friends.

Ginger was her usual rambling self. She was a really nice woman, but god love her, she had been glamoured so many times that there weren't many brain cells left to hold what she did know. Sookie had to cut her off or she would have to stand here all day listening to Ginger carry on.

"Hi Ginger, it's really good to see you too. I just have a package for Eric, I wonder if I might leave it in the office for him?" She smiled brightly at Ginger, hoping that this process would be fast and painless.

"Oh I don't know Sookie, I ain't supposed to let anyone in here during the day. The Master might get upset." She fidgeted visibly. She had been compelled to protect the bar when she was here but god only knows what she could actually do to save it if something happened.

"It's only me Ginger, and I'll be in and out in a flash. I guarantee Eric definitely won't mind."

"Oh, alright Sookie, since it's you an' all." Ginger stepped aside, opening the door wider to allow Sookie access. She scooted past the bleached blonde and walked across the bar to Eric's office and taking another deep breath, placed it in the center of his desk, where she was sure he couldn't miss it.

She peered around the office, that wicked grin returning to her lips and she suddenly felt confident that this was a slam dunk. "Two can play this game Mr. Northman, and I am going to kick your ass."

She calmly turned and strode out of the office, intending to be safely in her home when he awoke.

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><p>Do you want more? Leave me a review and let me know!<p>

Before you ask LOL The kit is actually called 'Clone-A-Pussy' and it too is available for sale in various places on the internet. It's real, I assure you. Are you adventurous enough to give it a try? haahaa


	5. Chapter 5

You all knew this day would come, the day when this amusing story takes a romantic turn. Thank you for all the amazing reviews and the encouragement to turn a funny little one shot into something more.

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><p>ERIC<p>

The last thing on his mind when he awoke was the business awaiting him at Fangtasia, but it was to Fangtasia that he went, to do his never ending duty and make the calls he had to make before he could go to Bon Temps. Before he died for the day, he had decided that he would go see her. No more games. He would tell her that above all, even himself, he would die for her. He would time and again sacrifice himself for her, and he would do it willingly.

The flight to Fangtasia was short, he had spent the night in his closest residence. Ginger was already there, she greeted him as always but stopped her chatter when he put his hand up, signaling that he did not want to hear about whatever excited her so, and she slunk off as if he had wounded her. She could be annoying, but she was loyal, and that was something that Eric greatly appreciated about her, but tonight he just couldn't take it.

He walked into his office and his eyes were drawn immediately to the package that Sookie had left on his desk. What a devilish little woman, he thought, as he stared down at the package. He had seen her enjoy his gift with his own eyes, saw it disappear between her luscious thighs and dip into the heat of her wet sex. He watched, the voyeur, as she thrust it inside herself, crying out his name as she lost herself to the orgasm that raged through her. He was a little shocked that she would return it to him, knowing that he would be able to detect her scent on the plastic even if she tried to scrub it off.

He toyed with the bow, thinking briefly that he may carry it back to her. He could tell her how he had watched, how he had stroked himself, how he had felt when she screamed out his name… His eyes closed and he momentarily allowed himself to imagine the impossible. Sookie laying in his arms as the sun began to rise in the distance. Never having to leave her, never having to go on thinking that she did not love him.

He shook his head as if the movement would fling the thoughts away and slipped the ribbon off, wanting to be closer to her, wanting to bury his nose in the scent that was pure Sookie. He flipped the lid open and saw the neatly folded stationary and an unexpected thrill of excitement traveled down his spine. He carefully unfolded the paper and slowly read the words inscribed there, suspiciously similar to the words he had written for her.

'Eric-

Thank you for the thoughtful gift. Here is a token of my appreciation. A glimmer of the treasure that is denied to you. I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed creating it for you.

Sookie'

His eyebrow raised and he let the note drop to the desktop. His fingers pulled the silver paper aside and it took him a moment to realize what lie within. The grin that spread across his face was devious as he lifted it out and cradled it in his palm. She had played his game well. He lifted it to his nose, inhaling deeply and he could smell her, the mold had absorbed her scent as she created it and then transferred it to the rubber. A side effect he was sure she hadn't considered.

She had provided him with a perfect map of her topography, every contour sculpted in amazing detail. Eric had seen many, he has after all, walked this earth for over a thousand years, but hers was different. Perfectly symmetrical, perfectly shaped, and he knew that they fit together because he had watched her with his gift. Eric had never met a woman that seemed created by the gods just for him. Until now.

He let his fingers trace the detailed lips, let them dance lightly across the tempting clit, committing the contours to memory. His mouth watered as her scent continued to assault his senses and he found his hand against his zipper, slowly pulling it down. He reached inside, grasping it tightly and pulled it free from the harsh material of his jeans. He slowly began to run his hand up the length, squeezing as it reached the tip, moaning her name while he thought about her small hand caressing him. He needed to cum, needed the release of tension that her retaliation brought to him. He needed her.

Eric stood, zipping his pants and placing her gift in his Jacket pocket. He went outside and took to the skies, toward Bon temps and the woman that he vowed to claim this night as his. He didn't have a plan. This was a woman that didn't need one. She needed honesty, not cheap tricks. Although the last trick he had played had been pretty spectacular, if he did say so himself, and she had enjoyed it immensely.

He landed in her yard, far enough away from the house that she wouldn't see him and turned his ear toward it, listening carefully. She was home, even if he hadn't seen her car he could hear her on the far side of the house. Splashing water, mixed with the sound of her heartbeat and the soft song she was humming. Eric didn't recognize the melody, but even in her off key tone it was beautiful.

He placed her in the bathroom, pictured her lounging in the warm water, perhaps full of bubbles that caressed her skin and hid her greatest treasure. He stood there for some time just listening to her movements as she lifted the water and let it cascade down her skin. He longed to be near her, watching the water bead on her tanned skin and leave glistening trails as it slid down her body.

She was drying off, he could hear the towel as it rubbed against her skin. The light in her bedroom came on and he moved around the side of the house until she came into view, standing there like Venus herself as she dried her hair. She moved to the dresser and choosing a pair of panties, slid them up her long legs and over her delicate bottom, her fingers dipping under the cloth to fit them perfectly to her shape. He watched as she slid a matching tank top over her head, the material sliding down her back and resting just above her panties.

She turned suddenly, moving towards the window and peering out into the darkness. Did she sense him there? She raised the screen and leaned out the window, bracing herself on the sill to peek around. It was now or never Northman, he thought, and stepped into the pool of light that covered the ground outside so she could see him. He was still wrapped in shadows but she would not mistake him for another.

She gasped when he appeared before her, her hand flying to her chest and he was immediately sorry that he frightened her. "Sookie…", he said, his voice as gentle as he could make it, pleading with her to accept his presence.

"Eric? What are you doing sneaking around outside my house?" She had apparently forgotten that she wore next to nothing as she stared at him.

"Would you take a walk with me?" He held his hand out to her, and to his amazement she reached through the window almost as if to take it before pulling her hand back like she had been burnt. The gesture hurt Eric more than he would have liked.

"I… I will meet you on the porch." She turned and snatched the silk robe from it's hook and quickly wrapped it around herself, hiding her body from view. When she turned back to the window he was gone.

Sookie made her way down the hallway, making sure that the robe was secure around her and opened the front door to see him sitting on the steps. She emerged, moving to stand by the railing and waited for him to speak. He didn't look at her.

"In my long existence, nobody has ever sparked the kind of passion in me that you do. I have been with women, many women… I have loved none." He paused, staring off into the distance as if he were talking to himself. "You surprised me tonight, I never would have imagined that you would have responded in such a way."

"It's not like me Eric. I'm not really sure why I…" Eric had her pressed against the wall in an instant, his face lingering in the curve of her neck.

"Tell me Sookie that you do not feel something for me and I will never trouble you again." His hand moved up to tangle itself in her damp hair, his fingertips caressing her head. He felt her stop breathing, felt her slight tremble as he pressed his body closer to hers. "Tell me that you don't love me, and you will be free."

She rest her hand gently against his chest, her touch seemed to heat his cold heart and her voice was almost a whisper. "Why should I say those things? Is that what you want to hear?"

"Those words would be torture, they would destroy me. I need to know the truth. Say them, or I make love to you tonight." His hand moved to the belt of her robe, untying the bow and letting it fall open so his hand could slip inside, curling around her waist to cradle the small of her back. He could hear her heartbeat, so fast that she was having trouble catching her breath.

His lips grazed the sensitive skin at her collarbone as he pushed the robe gently from her shoulder. "Tell me Sookie." Her finger curled under his chin and she tilted his face to hers, searching his eyes and finding only sincerity. "I can't."

Eric pressed her harder against the wall as his lips crashed down against hers. His hands found her hips and he lifted her against him, her legs instinctively wrapping around his waist. She pressed her center tight against his stomach and he moaned into her mouth, feeling the heat through the delicate undergarment. His jacket hit the porch and she clawed at his shirt, finally pulling it over his head and letting it fall to the floor.

She leaned back against the house, supported by his hips and crossed her arms, grasping the hem of her top. Slowly, as if to tease him further she lifted it over her head and let it fall from her fingers. He raised his hand, cradling her breast, letting his thumb graze her nipple and watching it harden under his gentle touch. She pulled him back by his neck, her tongue snaking between her full lips and trailing hotly against his.

His arms wrapped around her and he moved her away from the wall, carrying her down the steps and laying her gently in the grass. He pressed his hardness against her, eliciting a loud moan from her parted lips that was swallowed up by him as he captured her mouth again. He kissed her with such ferocity, one hand tangling in her golden locks while the other slid down her body and cupped the mound of her hot sex. He pressed his palm against her clit, causing her to raise her hips and grind against him.

He drew back, taking in the flushed skin of his lover, watching her writhe beneath him with such abandon that he knew she trusted him completely. Her hand found his zipper and pulled, he spilled out of the fabric into her waiting palm and when her fingers wrapped around him his fangs dropped and he had to use all his self control not to cum right then.

She pulled him to her, slowly running her tongue along one of his fangs then pulled back and turned her head to the side, offering her neck to him. He bent, licking the delicate skin and dragging his fangs along her vein. He trailed his tongue up her neck, nipped her jaw playfully and gazed into her eyes. "I don't want your blood, Sookie. I want you."

His lips were back on her and together they pushed his jeans down and off and he ground himself hard against her thigh. His fingers pushed the thin material of her panties aside and slid inside effortlessly, she was so wet the scent coming from her arousal was driving him mad. He took an unnecessary breath and paced himself for her benefit.

She bucked against him, pushing his fingers deeper and when he curled them she screamed out his name and the flood of sweet nectar that came from her drenched his hand. He gazed down at her in amazement, raising his hand and watching it glisten in the moonlight. He brought that hand to her breasts, rubbing her juices all over them and attacked them with his lips, licking her taste from them and sending her into another frenzy.

He needed her now. He needed to plunge himself in her warmth. His hand grasped her panties and with a loud rip they fell away from her body. He knelt back, pulling her up with him and pressing his chest against hers. Sookie lowered her hips, sliding him inside her and moaning his name as she took him to the hilt. She was so tight around him that he became lightheaded and clutched her desperately to him.

The Vampire in him wanted to fuck her hard, claim her body and ravage her. The man in him wanted to take his time, be gentle and show her true passion. Just as he decided to let her set the pace she began rocking slowly, her hips moving in small circles against him. He bent, taking one of her nipples into his mouth, causing her to moan and increase the movement of her hips, and when he carefully bit down, making sure to avoid puncturing her skin, she screamed out his name and slammed herself down hard onto him.

She contracted around him violently as the orgasm crashed through her, the unbelievable wetness covering him and driving him out of his mind. He kissed her with a fierceness that was sure to leave her lips bruised and thrust up into her. Her breasts bounced against his chest, her nipples grazing his skin and sending shivers coursing through him. The Vampire took over then, pounding into her with abandon as she cried out and scratched his shoulders with her fingernails, leaving long bloody tracks in his flesh. She leaned forward, running her tongue along the wounds, willingly taking his blood and when he pulled her back up and claimed her lips he could taste it on her tongue. His hands cupped her bottom and pushed her against him, harder and faster until with a mighty roar that came from deep in his chest, he released inside her.

She crumbled against him, exhausted and panting. Eric kissed her head and held her tight while he caressed her skin gently. "Sookie, are you alright?" He was concerned that he had damaged her, he had forgotten how fragile she really is in the heat of passion.

"Better than alright." She nuzzled her face in his neck and sighed deeply.

"Are you injured?"

"I'm sure I'll be sore tomorrow," she smiled, "But it was worth it."

She kissed him tenderly, brushing her nose against his and snuggling more securely into his arms. "Eric, why didn't you want to drink?" She sounded almost disappointed, and a little hurt.

"I don't want you for your blood Sookie. I want you because I finally found someone that I can truly love." She pulled away and blinked at him, bewildered that he had just made such a confession.

"I love you Sookie Stackhouse."

* * *

><p>Okay so that was a really LONG chapter haahaa I think this is a good place to end and I thank you all for taking this strange trip with me. Thank you to everyone that has left a review. It really is fantastic motivation to continue writing, not just for me but for everyone that contributes here on this site. Show the love, give props where they are due and always remember that without Charlaine Harris, this wonderful universe would not exist.<p> 


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